I relent

Dear Avery

I relent to you,

I have been wrong.  I have been wronger than I could ever hope to repay,  even if I lived to be a hundred million years old. 
And because of this,  I lament to you,  Avery my dear. I suffer.  I suffer almost every day of every week in every month or every year. Suffering over the damage I have caused,  and the damage I continue to cause.  To you kale, to you and the fellow peers of our society.  The individual souls that make up our community, the blueprints of the same people that make up the entire world. I have done wrong to it all.

My offense follows me to this day.

I will say it now as plain as a simple statement of an offense can be, and that is,  the material subjugation of the female soul.

Many times I thought lesser of my genders counterpart in a sense, and in that same sense betrayed my overall purpose.  But never greater did I betray myself than when I extensively delved into sexual pornography.  For a good 6 years of my life I wasted my eyes on the most backwards twisted websites that exist anywhere in the world. I can tell you it has been the most regressive thing a conscious boy can do to his mind. Single handedly massacring the entire female gender. I have taken down half of the world. Traded it for the death of a better world,  in me. The image of something I have not even come to fully understand,  put into sickness and diagnosed for disease.
Half of the world Avery,  I took it down so I could live on holes instead of solid ground...

Nobody told me Avery! Nobody told me that the rock was going to fall,  when it slipped from my hand. And a hand did slip.
And as things do naturally fall when unheld.  A rock did fall.
And when it hit the ground i was made half blind and handicapped to the rest of my life.

Single handedly I unmade the earth. The rocks and dirt that hold the trees that make the air. Poisoned the freshwaters that flow from the mountains, and fall freely from the Sky.  Took the heat from the candles flame, the light from the earths flame. Swallowed the beauty and genius of mankind, and traded it for a empty husk. I'm glad for that kale...  Glad I have an empty husk.
.. That's sarcasm.
I relent. I am dying in a husk. Futher still I am dying anywhere near a husk. And it seems that is all I can make out with these half blind eyes of mine. Everything is nothing but a husk, a exoskeleton shell of no real substance.
If it is not a husk,  then around me, it soon shall be. 
Life takes more than husk Avery. Something I know now with certainty.  Life takes strength. Strength, and intelligence,  patience, and persistance.  It takes so much more than a husk.

I should have been creating my perspectice of the female image. Embuing it with all the strengths that are so necessary for life. Praying for its everlasting blessings,  praising it everyday for its continuing success.
Instead for 6 years i destroyed it,  braking it down into a puddle of broken bonds much to small,  feeble and weak to survive the trials of earth.  

But woe. I myself remain,  infected with this disease.  I cannot see that golden strength that I know of,  and that I know I need. A cruelly ironic perspective to have Avery.

And here I lay
wounded on the empty ground of the hole that I have made
I wonder to myself...  Did I not have a right to know Avery? Why did knowbody tell me the rock was going to fall as it did?

Of course I have the magnificent powers of human logic. Simplistic knowledge to how the forces of nature conduct themselves. But I also had my inherent naivty Avery. That newness that we are all born into from our first breaths.
I knew nothing. 
And because I knew nothing, I am eligible for suffering?  It doesn't seem right. It dosnt seem fair.  That a new breath should be wasted with something as false and incoherent as the visions I have adopted.  You cannot tell me that somebody did not know that my twisted sight would be the downfall of my existence. Somebody knew,  it is, as I can see now commen sense that these things work as they do. So why is it that I am the last to know? Or late enough for the consequence to proceed the solution. It doesn't seem fair

I relent to you Avery. I tell you now,  in case misfortune get the better of me and I were never again to speak for another hundred million years. I did not mean to take the air out of your grace. 
The soul out of your body.
The light from your Sacred face.
But I did. It is a fact.
Be it disgusting, psychologically subterranean,  and an utter abomination. I did these things, in my own simple actions.

But I can tell you now. As sure as I can tell you that I will come down after I jump up. Or that I will take a breath after I release one. I can tell you that I was wrong.

I relent to you, 
and I can say that I am honestly sorry for ever being wrong at all.