Sunken History

[An angry rant that i had to myself just a couple of weeks back about letting my past get to me. Im a strong beleiver in letting things go and getting on with the present tense. So you can bet i had something to say when somebody from my past said they had a sour opinion of me]

Sunken History

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How can you tell me that you are not completely random if you are a person from my past? 

How are you not every person that you have walked by since then? Since that point, way way back then. In the oh so far and distant past. How is it not every person that i have passed since then... 

You are! You Are!

Take this, try this on for size... I would have died, on the street, in the year 2014

 had I of not gotten some help from so and so

so and so being first name last name this. this particular person. Had you not received help from this particular person. had i have not helped down the road of my life.

i would surly not be in the place that you are currently in today. 

Had my world not have been saved from the devious clutches of nature, in other words. I would surely not be around to tell your own tale at this time. 

Stand as a man, person out on the street, open to the fates of nature. Open to the fates of man. For more than one day, and then live to come back and tell me that you owe your life to another. 

I can tell you right now, it can’t be done. That is my truest bet.  

You cannot stand in one place on the street for longer than 10 minutes, 10 minutes! And then once passed then tell me that you not the most random person in the world....

You are the most random person in the world. Standing there needing to be helped, needing to be saved, and there was nobody in the world that could help you. 

You cant tell me, by being some person that wont help me out in my life, that you are not the most random person in the world . Any time you don’t help someone out in the world, that person is random to you! You have nothing to do with them.

All these false ties i knew you back then blah blah blah. 

But, the truth is.. you didnt know me, We didnt really know anyone,

So i dont know what your talking about. None of us knew anything about the world back then, or namely ourselves,... Number 1. 

Number 2, We Arnt willing to help each other now in the present moment for whatever reason. Be it “im in a different circumstance”, “im in a different place” or whatever reason.

And you cant help me in this place that im in sooooo why does it seemed we are still hooked on phonics with each other? 

Annnd, Even if you could help me, you probably wouldn’t. For whatever other circumstance or reason.

 So why? Why me? Why You? Why Me and You?

I havn’t been hooked on anyone on the social media websites that i frequent. I havn’t been searching people up. Stalking folks. I’ve been keeping to myself. Working on myself. Trying to improve myself.

And its not saying like this is the end of the world or anything , im just saying that, i mean... im random as heck to a person of my past. I’m random as heck! To anybody that knew me in the past... And most people that know me now in the present. If your not helping me. your random...

thats what these people have to realize. they are random to me. All of them! Everybody!

Yeh ill follow the civil law. that all people must follow because it the laws that govern my civilized life.... But other than that. Other than the rules i must obey because i am required to obey them... I have nothing to do with you. 

You are the most random person in the world to me. Honestly. By freaking context. I don’t even have to say it,... It’s by the worlds inherent principles... free flowing air man... you can tell how it moves cause thats how it moves... It’s the context of the world...

And these people! Oh my gosh... We move on. People move on. Second by second. Minute by minute. Hour by hour, Day by day. However you move on, People move on. Year by year.

We move on to different places, different faces, different names, new numbers... everything changes... nothing stays the same. And we. us. I at the very least, am just one small little point that moves along with the procession of everything else.... All those hours and minutes and seconds. All those names and numbers and faces... i move along with the procession of it all.

 And there is nothing strange or unusual about that. I take life as it comes... and i leave life as it goes. And it comes and goes, comes and goes.. all the time.. its that natural nature of time. So here and now a i have a problem when somebody, whose time with me has past.... Says they are not random in my life....

im like,.. ah,. your time already past. Your time was way back then... three years ago. five years ago. That time back then.

The present tense changes... the past is the past.

Your present turns into the future, your past turns into history

My history can basically be considered, the sunken continent of Atlantis. Lost to the waves, and the sea-foam. Atlantis. That was my world. it sunk. And By circumstances that arose,... in this decade. All these names are graves to me... They’re hollow to me... to be honest... 

Put your fact to the words that your using... the words that your living out... what is the fact of your reality...What are these names to you? These names of the past. These names of peoples from your past. 

Do you know these people? 

No... 

Did you know them back then? 

I thought i did, but i didn’t. 

Its the truth.

And looking at the person i am now is a completely different story. Things have changed. I have changed. I know how to look at someone now, unlike i ever knew how to when i was younger. I’m wiser about the world now. Wiser than i ever could have claimed to be when i was in my youth. I wasn’t told about the world back then, but now I know about it. I wasn’t told about every angle of the axis of the planet at first. There were a few shades of grey here and there before. But now that i’ve revolved a few times I kinda know whats going on.

I didn’t know who i was looking at before, but now I know who i’m looking at. I know alot more now than I did back then, and that matters. My world isnt the same any more... 

All those things that you loved so much in the past, that held so much meaning to you back then. But you didn’t know why they held meaning, because you didn’t know the meaning of the words you were perceiving. ”Well, i dont know. I just really liked that song, Jackiee”. 

I’ve never even really listened to the song! I just listen to it because the radio station says its the most popular song and it has a catchy beat. But as for the actual words to the song, i probably wouldnt be able to sing the whole song word for word, if asked on a spot. Neither would i be able to tell somebody what the words meant when strung together in the song. 

Come a few years later, you start to mature in life and begin to understand that you really lead 

alot of your life in the exact same fashion. Only seeing so much. Only hearing so much. Only perceiving a very small percentage of whats actually going on in the world. Only listening to certain parts of the song, but certainly not the whole thing. Those things were so much more empty then in the past, when you didnt take the time to listen to the words and understand what they meant..... 

But im awake now! I can put those things away because I realize there really wasnt any reason I liked those things. I can put the past away because i realize that there was know meaning endowed in it. Meaning endowed with the mind. Meaning endowed by me. And you can’t tell me that it can have meaning endowed by another, because all those peoples of the past that i knew, have been long gone from the caring radiuses of my perspective. 

I went homeless for almost an entire month. Get thrown into homelessness... by people who were lying about whatever freezing circumstance they had going on about them... they threw me out. Threw me out onto the street as a young boy. Just throw children out into the world. Out the door. Out the door and into the wind. Seeya child i hope this dandylion blows you to better grounds. just throw him into the wind.. We will throw him into the winds, it might take him halfway across the world, who knows?? We will see how far it goes... He’ll get there! to that place! That’s for sure... and then he’ll be “o”,”k”. 

You cannot tell me that these people have any meaning or right to my life. They cant have meaning in my life... They got rid of that when they threw you out the door to the wind... as far as i see it....

you cant tell me that they have a right to my life

And you cant tell me that any of these people that I knew, any of these kids that I knew have any meaning in my life at all. 

The present tense! The present tense has more meaning in your life than any other thing in this world. The present tense has more meaning than you can even contain. Than the than the present moment can even contain. 

You cant even hold the meaning of the present tense... you have to push it into your freezing future..its too much... 

and how how are you going to pay it back in the future... 

how are you going to make these ends meet then? huh...

maybe by some miracle you do and all accomplishment and all glory to you....

 but there is too much in the present tense for these people, to be coming back to me about something i did in my past!!! 

My past is nothing. Nothing but empty shells. My history, is a beach of empty shells.... the shells are pretty... and they have a face value... of course their pretty... but they are just a shell... you don't get the content by looking at them.

These things; the past that i couldn't even understand, is so redundantly trivial that even the slightest wonder at them is a complete waste of time, and holistically negative.

So for me getting upset over these things is crazy... looking back over my shoulder at these things.. its crazy... Putting even the smallest amount of value into these things is crazy.

Its crazy... I cant even afford the things i have now. My entire world hasn’t even happened yet. I havn’t even actualized my present moment in reality... It hasn’t even been put into context of the future

Like what are you going to have to think a few years from now.... Me sitting at 20 years old in the new mellinea.... Where is my future supposed to end me up? How is my present supposed to supplement the future??? Where is my life going to be in 2030???

And i don’t need all these stupid emotions from Ghost town Atlantis... sinking all of my present day action

Look at the yearbook one time... and realize that everything you see, has changed 360%.. in the most basic fundamental way.. which is the only way. Everybody in these pictures has moved on. none of these names mean the same thing as they mean to day... None of those faces mean the same thing they mean today... its all different today than it was a day ago. And there has been a mass revolution of all those names and faces from the yesterdays of years ago.

You cant tell me my past means anything to me. Its the past. Its history. And it sunk along time ago. Lost forever beneath waves of deep blue. May it rest in peace, but i’ll never once let it bother me. 

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